Snow White and the Huntsman Plot holes

Minor Plot hole: Kristen Stewart is not hotter than Charlize ‘’smexy-baby’’ Theron. How are we supposed to take your movie seriously? Here is a scientific formula you need to use in the future to evade such blasphemy: Charlize Therron > a cardboard cut-out of Kristen Stewart’s emotionless face that somehow makes her less creepy because you know it’s not a real human gazing at you like a giant LEGO > Kristen Stewart.

Major Plot hole: There is no way Charlize Theron could be Queen after the prologue. You see, she is found under suspicious circumstances on a battlefield – the sole survivor of the enemy’s army, she marries the King the next day, she stabs him in the chest a few hours later on their honeymoon, and somehow the whole kingdom lets her keep the crown after knowing her for 24 hours and knowing ‘’someone’’ stabbed their beloved King in the chest while he was alone in his bed with his wife. But it’s totally not her. Nothing suspicious here, move along, I’m going to stay Queen, and I present you my brother and new royal adviser: a pedophile albino. Don’t judge a book by its cover! Even when the book licks it lips in front of your children.

Major Plot hole: The Queen gained the ability to become virtually immortal by feeding on other people’s youth. She has been around for quite some time and mentions herself that she lived 20 lifetimes. But her pedophile albino brother (or P.A.B in the elitist screenwriting scene) does not have this power– and yet he looks the same age as her. Did he live 20 lifetimes too? Her P.A.B should be dead from the start of the movie– as the mighty god of abortion commanded it.

Major Plot hole: Poor Snow White. She is so pure and fragile. She was unjustly thrown in a jail for most of her life – having only vague memories of the times she could run in the vast fields of her kingdom. Oh my god she escapes! Wow, she sure runs kinda fast for an atrophied prisoner, even the trained soldiers can’t catch her. Lord she just dashed in a sewer pipe like goddamn Megan-Man with perfect precision. Oh no. She’s stuck now, there are only tidal waves and pointy rocks ahead of her and it’s not like she had access to the prison swimming pool in the past 15 years. WTF she jumped ! Oh. It cuts to the beach – I guess she was a pretty good swimmer after all, maybe she could give Michael Phelps an advice or two.

Dude. No. Dude, you can’t ride a horse without a saddle on your first try without any problems – especially with your prisoner’s bony legs – and especially when your horse is a fan of Shadowfax in Lord of the Rings. Oh. God. You’re a fighter now? The huntsman gave you a 5 second workshop on how to stab things and now you are a bad-ass fighter? You never lifted anything this whole movie ! Not a branch, not a sword, not even your facial muscles. But now you are lifting a heavy sword and leading an army into battle. What happened to that pure and fragile Snow White ? Did the producers cut the 20 minutes training montage? I mean, I would prefer spending a night with a P.A.B. than actually seeing it – but I want to know it exists. Because you make no sense Snow White. You make no sense. I hate you. I would still touch you. But I hate you.

Major Plot hole: The Queen finds Snow White in a snowy forest and shape-shifts into William to fulfill her lesbian fantasies while destroying ours. She kisses Snow White, gives her a poisonous apple and THEN, tries to take her heart. But here’s the catch: Why wait so long? The Queen showed in an earlier scene that she could take any heart at will by immobilizing people with magic. So why not simply go for the kill instead of wasting valuable time before her protector shows-up? Because Snow White had to survive, obviously. But here is a pro-tip for all you screenwriters out there: don’t make your villains too over-powered otherwise you will have to write shitty scenes like this to keep your story rolling. Bonus question: How did The Queen find Snow White in the forest anyway?