Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Plot holes ( by Comptinator)

Minor Plot Hole: The Bludger during the Quidditch match is clearly jinxed to chase Harry and cause some severe physical harm, but nobody thinks to stop it or halt the match to prevent Harry being mashed into dust by an angry ball. The crowd full of immensely powerful wizards does not lift a single wand to help him. It seems they love to look at unregulated violence in their game as if it was part of the deal which makes Quidditch the Wizard’s sport equivalent to Hockey. Except in this case there is a huge defenseman going around hitting Sidney Crosby with his hockey stick – all the time – even if he doesn’t have the puck.

 Minor Plot Hole: The Dursleys are determined to keep Harry locked in their house like a mentally unstable inmate, but if he was allowed to go to Hogwarts they would be able to be free of his magical antics and endless moodiness for a year. This makes even less sense when you consider that magic associated with Harry fucked up Vernon’s business dealing – so why keep him around to do more damage?

But. But Harry’s house is giving him protection!  -says the nerdy fans.
Yeah – what about that giant castle ruled by the strongest Wizard alive? – ripostes Movieplotholes while dropping the metaphorical mic to the ground.

Minor Plot Hole: Harry insists Ron use the invisibility booster to prevent Muggles seeing the flying car, but at the beginning of the film, the Weasleys flew it next to the Dursley’s house, hovered alongside a window which they violently ripped off and then soared off into the night sky – all without any invisible shield. And that was fine, because apparently not a single soul managed to see it.

Major Plot Hole: Why did the Basilisk kill everyone except Harry, the one person Voldemort wanted dead? The fact that Harry never dies in any of the films is because Voldemort is a total dunce who insists he kill Harry himself, even if getting to that stage requires a highly flawed and overly complex plan. The Basilisk could’ve easily stared at Harry to kill him during the many times it stalked him with its sexy Parseltongue voice. Instead, it decides to paralyze two children, a man who’s already dead and a cat. A domesticated fucking cat. If you think Voldemort is a good villain, start revising your life right now.

Major Plot Hole: Why did nobody think to ask Moaning Myrtle how she died? The Basilisk leered at her beside the bathroom sink, which as it turns out is where the Chamber of Secrets is. This information would’ve been incredibly useful to the teachers, but only a group of tenacious 12 year olds figure out that asking her is a good idea. If only they had one of the most powerful and intelligent wizards of all time as their headmaster? Oh. They do? Ok.

Major Plot Hole: Tom Riddle is Voldemort. Harry is face to face with Voldemort. Two life long rivals are right beside one another, and only the vengeful, sinister villain is armed with a wand. Voldemort knows how to use the Killing Curse. He could’ve killed Harry on the spot with minimal effort. Yet he decides to unleash the Basilisk and spearhead the climax of the film, allowing Harry a chance to fight back and escape. JUST KILL HIM FOR GOD SAKE. Clearly your giant snake sucks ass Voldy! He killed a grand total of 1 girl in its near-immortal life. Hundreds of people are killed every year by sets of stairs. What I mean is that you could have summoned a set of angled-stairs in Harry’s dorm room and it would have increased your fatality odds significantly. Or better solution: use your wand!

Major Plot hole: This is the Malfoy’s sinister motive and plan for the movie: Mr. Weasley was annoying the Malfoys so the plan was to plant Tom Riddle’s diary in Jenny Weasley’s bag.  She being a girl would obviously seek to write in this strange diary that appeared ‘magically’ in her bag, the diary would possess her; she would open the chamber of secrets and kill some mud bloods. When the dust settled the Weasley family would be blamed and Mr. Weasley would be discredited and disgraced.

Ok. Did you notice anything in there? Harry Potter is not part of the plan! He is not a target – so why does Dobby seek to protect Harry? Shouldn’t he go to Jenny or mud bloods like Hermione? “But, but, Harry was in danger these books are perfect I’ve read them a bagillion times and I’m blind to any flaws, you just don’t understand!”

If you paid close attention you nerds, Tom Riddle  is only made aware of Harry’s presence after Jenny Weasley poured her heart out about her crush on the bland boy in the magic diary. So in order for Dobby to ‘know’ that Harry was in Danger – (1) he would have to know Jenny was in love with Harry which brings us into a very creepy zone, (2) he would have to know that Tom Riddle was in fact the Dark lord, (3) he would have to know Jenny would write about her crush in said diary and (4) he would have to know that the Dark lord would react the way he did to the information Jenny would write.

There’s no comprehensible way for Dobby to reach out to Harry Potter as nothing was making him stand out as the main target of the attack. The only way to save this plot hole is to assume that Dobby is a lucky idiot that was only kinda right by sheer dumb luck.

Plot Contrivance: Ginny, the tiny redhead, wrote the threatening message on the wall in blood which is at least 10 feet above the ground. Excuse me? I mean – we know the height of the message on the wall is probably not in the script but this one is just so ‘in-your-face’ that we had to mention it.

Plot Contrivance: The blind luck of all the victims of the Basilisk is blatantly absurd. Mrs. Norris had a random puddle in front of her, Colin Crevey had his camera, Hermione had her magnifying glass and Headless Nick was already dead. The reflection of the Basilisk in these circumstances prevented their deaths. The Basilisk literally had the worst luck (and intelligence) in the world – all of its victims had convenient ways of surviving the attack, and it never decided to just eat their corpses afterward.

Plot Contrivance: After being brutally beaten by the Whomping Willow, the Ford Anglia ejects Harry and Ron and farts out their luggage before inexplicably gaining consciousness and leaving. It’s funny, yes, but never really explained – the car just seems to leave as the script no longer needs it. This concept is echoed later in the film when the car inexplicably manages to find Harry and Ron in the Dark Forest – its timing perfectly aligning its arrival with the sudden attack of the giant spiders.

Plot Contrivance: After giving Harry and Ron some useful information about the Chamber of Secrets and realizing that they are trying to save his dearest friend Hagrid, Aragog does a noble thing and allows his millions of freaky spider kids to snack on their delicious human flesh, generating a much needed chase sequence.

Why did Aragog do that? They were trying to help his friend and did absolutely nothing wrong. Aragog says that because they wandered into his lair so easily, he cannot let the food escape. So why did he spend ages providing necessary backstory? Why didn’t he just eat them immediately? He literally was only there to benefit the exposition and action within the screenplay. Add him a suit and a gun and he would be exactly like a Bond villain.

Plot Contrivance: Malfoy accidentally hands Dobby a sock which was concealed in a book. It turns out Harry sneakily stuck it in there to free his elf friend. The logic behind this is beyond moronic. Your house elf servant is free if you give him clothes? Fair enough. But this also applies if you had absolutely no intention or knowledge to free him? What if you just handed him some clothes to briefly hold for you?

Unaddressed Issue: Why did Harry end up in Nocturne Alley by saying ‘diagonally’? Is it diagonal from Diagon Alley? But if that’s true, how did the Floo Powder know his real intentions were to go to Diagon Alley – enough to send him diagonally from Diagon Alley? Oh nevermind.

Unaddressed Issue: What’s with the creepy dudes in Nocturne Alley? Okay, it’s a dodgy place, but why do they surround Harry like a bunch of sinister rapists ready to strike? Do they have an appetite for innocent small children?

Unaddressed Issue: How did Nearly Headless Nick get cured of being petrified? The Mandrake Potion surely has to be eaten or drunk, so what happened there?

Unaddressed Issue: The Polyjuice Potion is a pile of shit. It takes a month to make and is extremely complicated – but it does not alter your voice. Why is this? They could figure out how to mutate one’s body into that of another, but not how to change the voice? Surely the vocal chords would change anyway if you completely transform into the other person? Are we to assume the potion changes everything about you except your larynx? What if a child drinks a potion to transform into a beefier kid – would they keep their thin neck and subsequently break it at any quick movement?

Unaddressed Issue: We’re getting super nitpicky here, but it’s established that saying spells without uttering the proper name is very hard. Yet Ron, a 12 year old student with a broken wand, manages to cast a slug eating spell by saying ‘eat slugs!’. So…is the spell called Eat Slugs, or did Ron just defy Rowling’s own logic?